20th February 2017. 11:34am
Dad asked to borrow some money the moment you woke up but you refused because you know where it will go. You hated doing it, but you did because you want to teach him a lesson you know he will never learn. You also know it will just make him think you’re really selfish but you just don’t care anymore. Of everything that he’s done in the past few years, you’re just too numb to feel anything about what he says about you now. That’s a lie, of course, but you know what I mean; You’re used to it.
“You can only actually help someone who wants to be helped.” That’s what they said in Me Before You remember? He doesn’t want to be helped, so you don’t. No matter how much you want to give him the world and share your blessings, you opted to keep all of them to yourself as a sign of rebellion. It’s the best thing you can do to let him know you’re not okay with whatever is happening at home.
You went home shopping with your brother and his family yesterday. After doing the open house tour, the kids asked if you’re moving in with them. You didn’t answer because the truth is you don’t know yourself. You don’t know if you’re still going to be here in 2 years. You don’t know if your were still going to be alive. You just don’t know, and that will make you sad again.
Stop. Stay strong. You’ve been smiling and laughing more these days. Don’t let it consume you again. You’re stronger than you know.