Same Old Love.

13th September, 2016. 4:52am
Why is it, every time I meet someone, they’re either an asshole or unavailable? Is there really no one out there left with good intentions? Or am I really just not looking hard enough?

I don’t know. I mean, sure, I don’t go looking for love (I’m not that desperate, thank you very much) but every time someone new comes my way, history just seems to repeat itself like a freaking Justine Bieber song on replay. It’s always the same kind of guy; charming, sexy, but a fucking pervert. It’s hella annoying!

I could’ve easily give in, you know. But I don’t. I don’t want to. I’ve never. Why would I do it with someone I’m not sure will treat me right once he got what he wanted? Why would I even waste time on people like that? So I walk away once they start asking to “meet up for a coffee” (note to self: DO NOT GO OUT WITH SOMEONE WHO ASKS YOU FOR A DRINK, EVEN IF IT’S COFFEE. THEY’RE ONLY AFTER BEDDING YOU).

Like Starbucks Guy, for instance. The moment we started chatting, I could feel the electricity in there. He was funny and naughty, with a bit of anger management issue and slight vanity for shoes. But then after a couple of days, he started asking about wanting to have a coffee with me… At 1 in the morning. On a weekday. R U FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I said no, because I was working that day, but he was persistent. Come weekend, he asks to meet again, which would’ve been fine, except that he asked me out at almost 9PM. Seriously, dude, wtf is his problem? Because I keep dodging his invitations, and because I’m really busy with work and other stuff, he walked away. Whatever. Not worth it anyway.

And then there’s Cinema Guy. He was actually nicer than Starbucks Guy, and way more patient, but his strategies involved watching a movie and ramen. I almost give in, had I not paid attention at the warning signs ringing in my head. This time, I was the one who ended things before it went deeper (heh!) When I noticed that the area he wanted to take me screams motels, clubs, and shopping malls, I knew I had to set sail. He’s not worth it, either.

After two perverts, I met Mr. New Yorker. Unlike the first two, he went straight to the point, and I was glad that we were both not after JUST THAT. He and I actually shared a few common interests, including the love for theater and musical plays. I loved and was surprised that he watches Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, I liked that he was understanding of my line of work, because he’s kind of in the same industry and then some; he manages a couple of restaurants here in Manila, but also has an SEO company in New York. And he lives in New York. My beloved city, even though I haven’t been there. I really thought we were a perfect match, but then life happens. I got so busy prepping for my cousin’s 18th birthday that I completely forgot about Mr. New Yorker. Also, I kinda got tired waiting for him to arrive here in Manila. Did I just pass up what would’ve been a potential lover? If I tried to contact him, will he even remember me? I guess I’ll never know.

Chuck Bass gif

Photo c/o:

Jumping to a couple of months later (ie; these past few days), I met someone new. Let’s call him Chuck Bass. If you don’t know who Chuck Bass is, let me tell you: Chuck Bass is a character from Gossip Girl who is Blair Waldorf’s love interest. Played by Ed Westwick, Chuck Bass is a total fuckboy. He’s rich, he likes to play games with women, and he likes sex. A lot. When I first chatted with my Chuck Bass, I knew he reminds me of Blair Waldorf’s beau. I don’t know why, because he sure as hell ain’t as handsome as Ed Westwick (although he’s REALLY good-looking), but he just has that Chuck Bass air in him. I knew I had to stay away right that moment, but just like Blair, I can’t pass up a guy like him. We started out really weird, because he is currently unemployed (red flag number 1) and only likes to play games all day (apparently, he REALLY likes his PS4 and Xbox). But then we talked some more, exchanged some photos (PS: NOT NUDES), and slowly, we started getting to know each other. He talked shit (ie; really corny, cheesy punch lines), sent a lot of photos of him showing off his abs (he’s fit, alright) and then we started talking about the past. I told him about Starbucks Guy and Cinema Guy and I thought he would be different but then, after a couple of minutes he asks, “will you get mad if I asked you to have sex with me?” I wanted to laugh and at the same time throw my phone out of the window. I told him no, I’m not mad because I’m really not, but I won’t have sex with him, either. It’s just not happening, especially since we’re not even together. He said it’s fine, he understands, and I was really impressed that he’s got the balls to ask, so I asked him “why me?” He said, “because I like you.” I was weirded out, because how can someone decide that they want to have sex with someone they haven’t even met? It was then that I realized that he may be as handsome as Ed Westwick, but he’s definitely Chuck Bass when it comes to being a player.
And then there’s Rumplestiltskin, my very own Dark One, who always manages to make his presence felt at the right moment and time. We had our moment, but he blew the ember out before it even start to set ablaze. He was like the Rumple to my Belle, always finding a way to slither back into my life, and me taking him with open arms even though I know he will never love me the way he loves something (well, someone) else. It’s sickening, I know, but damn he rips my hearts and keeps holding on to it because he fucking can.

But the worse of all, you know, is The One That Got Away. I don’t think about him anymore, but somehow, he always pops up in my dreams. I don’t know why. He’s married, and I don’t even know where he is in the world or what the heck is he up to, but for some sick, strange reason, he’s just always there in the dreamland, pretending that he and I are in good terms even though we parted in a really messed up way.

A few days ago, my uncle and cousin asked if I was looking because they want to “introduce me to someone.” They also told me not to be so picky with guys because looks don’t matter much. They’re right, of course, but attitude and respectfulness are two of the most important things for me as well. So what am I gonna do with my non-existent but otherwise interesting love life? Should I even expect that someone out there is waiting for me to find him? Truth be told, I don’t know, but I’m really getting tired of all the bullshit that men keeps throwing my way. So to all fathers out there who has a son, PLEASE I BEG YOU, teach them right. Show them how to respect girls the right way. Don’t let them grow up to be an asshole like the ones above. Please.




3 thoughts on “Same Old Love.

  1. “Why is it, every time I meet someone, theyโ€™re either an asshole or unavailable? Is there really no one out there left with good intentions? Or am I really just not looking hard enough?”

    — I asked myself this question months ago. I really thought I wasn’t good enough until… I learned how to value my worth. Then, he arrived.

    Don’t look for love. It will come to you because love will arrive at its natural enigma ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person


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