29th January, 2016. 2:56pm
For the love of dance:
I’ve been off the blogosphere lately for this sole purpose – I was too busy finishing my choreography for our dance musical. Show isn’t until February 29th, but it’s times like these when you stopped playing nice and start to become everyone’s worst nightmare. I actually still have one dance and a half to finish, but I’d like to think that it wasn’t (entirely) my fault why the dance hasn’t finished yet. I love to dance, but I’m more protective of my actual roots – the Philippine folk dance. It annoys the fuck out of me when people keep asking me to “teach some routines” without the proper props. When it comes to Philippine Folk Dance, you can’t just teach the routine without using the right props. Unless you’re a dancer, which they’re not, it’s not advisable to learn the dance without the things you need for the dance number. I’m not being a hard ass, but when you want to perform Tinikling and Sayaw sa Bangko on stage (see video above), then there’s no chance in hell that you would learn all the steps properly without the bench and the bamboo sticks. The dances itself are complicated enough, why can’t we spare ourselves with more hurt by doing the right thing?
Another thing I don’t like are incompetent people. I get it, we don’t get paid to do this. We do this for the love of theater, dance and the group, but it’s annoying how I can’t finish my job because someone refuses to get a grip and just work on the fucking music. I don’t like the music as it is, so it’s already really hard to just come up with a routine, but for it to be delayed just because of someone’s incompetence? It’s frustrating.
When I’m feeling hot-headed and stressed because of the choreography, I keep telling myself, “just a few more weeks.” I know those kids will never be as good as I’d expect them to be, but I hope it will at least turn out alright and decent.
For the love of Game of Thrones:
Last year, I tried watching Game of Thrones for the first time because the show’s popularity had me curious. I was about 20 minutes into the show when I started falling asleep, so I turned the streaming off and swore off the TV show. It’s just too boring and violent for me. However, barely two weeks ago and after reading a couple of mind-fuck books, I decided to give Game of Thrones another try. I’m glad I did.
Maybe it was the books that I read or that I have enough sleep but this time around, my attention was focused solely on the show and what was happening with the characters. It took me all 5 seasons to catch up on their names and relationships with one another (yup, I was binge watching GoT for barely two weeks and I’m already half of season 5). Heck, I still don’t know some of them, I just know them by face (and here I thought Once Upon a Time has a crazy family tree), but what got me hooked with Game of Thrones was the same reason I stopped watching it the first time: violence… And sex, and controversy. It still can get pretty boring sometimes, but I love the violence, sexual content and scandal, incest and all.
Perhaps I just haven’t seen a lot of gory war films but for me they are still too violent even if I like them. I hope no kids are allowed to watch the show because of its graphic content, what with the way everyone was killed on the show (I still haven’t gotten over Prince Oberyn’s death, you know) and those creeps who eat the people they kill (I mean, seriously… WHY?!), not to mention (and more importantly) the sibling “relationship” that was going on between Cersei and Jaime Lannister. It’s disgusting, and I think that when it comes to all the scandalous things I’ve seen on the show, theirs is the yuckiest of all. Just…
Oh, and Sansa Stark? Oh, sweet baby Jesus. Why did she put herself in front of the line when the world handed all the dumb and stupid genes over? Sometimes I don’t even believe that she’s related to the other Starks because none of them are as dumb as she is, and I’m not gonna lie but I hope someone slip her a poisoned apple and put her out of her misery already, and SOON. **Whoops. Once Upon a Time reference there. Sorry, can’t help. Although, okay, I really hope that next season (or probably in another realm, a girl can only dream) that Sansa will finally step up to the plate and prove to everyone (or maybe just me) that she’s actually really a Stark. I mean, come on dear, you can’t be all beauty and height, aren’t you?
That being said, I like the goriness of it all, which is scary because I feel like some of the way they kill were etched in my brain, like they will be useful to me it in real life someday. Weird, right? But I don’t know, there’s just a part of me that wants to take notes of those killings just in case they come in handy. **Hey, what knows? Don’t judge.
Sometimes, when I’m binge watching Game of Thrones, I ask myself, “what is the point of all these?” I know it’s fiction, but is this kind of what it was like a hundred years ago? If so, then I feel lucky I live in this generation. I’m lucky because I can write and read, I’m allowed to vote. I feel lucky I have a job I love other than whoring yourself out or do the kitchen, and lucky that I have my freedom to choose who to marry (or not at all). That part, the arranged marriage thing, is actually something I can relate with, because my grandmother was betrothed to my grandfather when she was 11 years old. No, they’re not royals (I wish), but I guess it’s what happens when someone is “richer” than you. It was all good, though. They loved each other, even had seven children and thank God we’re not royals, otherwise it will be a blood bath.
All the Bright Places:
Last night I finished reading All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven. I wish I’d have finish this book sooner because it’s such a really good book. And it’s so freaky how much I can relate to the character Finch. What with writing words on the wall and living in the closet and all that (not literally like him, though), a part of me finds a bit of myself in Finch. Scary.
I’ve read books that tackles suicide but this is the first novel that I’ve read that was brave enough to tell the truth about depression and suicide: sometimes, you can’t help someone no matter how much you want to.
2015 was a hard year for me. I spent almost half, if not more, of the year feeling sad and depressed. Sometimes I know why I feel sad, but most times I’m clueless about this sadness and loneliness that I feel. I’m not suicidal or anything (at least that’s what I think), but I won’t deny that sometimes I wonder how it would feel to take my own life. Sometimes, when the world is dark, I wonder about how I would do it if I decide to do it. Will I hang myself or slash my wrist? Should I take an enormous amount of pills or jump off a building? I wonder if anyone would even miss me when I’m gone, and it made me think about what Finch said in the book; it doesn’t matter if I’m gone. People will move on. And then I would plan, but as I start forging a way to end things, there will always be a voice at the back of my mind telling me to stop. My Mom’s voice. I would suddenly realize what she would think and say, and how she would feel if she were here and she find out I was planning to take my own life. Then I would stop. That’s what I liked about All The Bright Places. It tells you that some people made it out of the black hole that is depression like Violet, but there are others who gets completely sucked into it, like Finch. If there was one thing I’ve learned about feeling unexplainably sad from time to time, it’s that no one understands the situation but the person themselves. Sometimes not even them. It’s a sad thought, but it’s the truth. And sometimes, no matter how much we want to help and stop the person from taking things by his own hand, we simply cannot make them stop.
Sorry if this is such a long ass post. I also apologize for not being able to update my blog and start on the poetry challenge my friend asked me to do. It’s just a really tough week in the theater. Plus, I’m stuck in Westeros, so…😉