06th January, 2016. 8:20pm
I’ve seen Sex and the City the movie about a hundred times before. Well, not literally a hundred times, but you know what I mean, right?
Anyway, I was watching it again today for fashion-God-knows-whatever-reason and I realized how much I love the poem that Carrie reads at the beginning of the movie. It’s one of Beethoven’s called “Immortal Beloved”. I’m not involved with someone at the moment, romantic or otherwise, but there was something in it that is just so beautiful.
I’ve seen countless couples fall in love. People whose eyes sparks brighter than any stars in the sky every time they’re with their significant others. But for me, the best ones are those that shine together even without saying anything to each other. You just felt their love towards one another, resonating from them and into the people within their vicinity, like a big ball of rainbow illuminating and coloring a world after a storm.
But then there are also those who break their vows, throwing everything just like that because one of them screwed up. Like that friend who had to leave her marriage because her cheating husband can’t keep his pants on and his ex-girlfriends at bay. Or that couple who have been together for seven or ten years you’d thought they’d end up together but whose relationship fizzled out after they tied the knot. And what about those who left the relationship because one is too busy with his or her work? When these things happen, what do we do? Where do we go? Who do we seek?
I remember being with a friend after she separated from her husband. In their religion, being separated with your spouse is a no-no. You’re bound to him forever and no matter what happens, you must submit to your husband. Because I was of different religion than our other friends, I was one of the only people she can run to and talk about her marriage because according to her, I was the only “open-minded” friend she can talk about it without judging her. Also perhaps because I was one of the only single girls left in our group.
Of course I felt for my friend. She may be too dumb to marry that asshole even if she knows what a cheating bastard he is, but I guess that’s what happens when you love someone; you look past their flaws. However, the asshole just keeps pushing her to her limits and she has to save herself, for her own sanity and for their son. It sucks that the child will grow up without his Mom and Dad around together, but would you let a child grow up with the two of them together despite knowing that the bond is broken? So I encouraged her to spread her wings, fly, and be happy in another country where she could start fresh, even if it means raising her child on her own.
I also had a cousin who went through the very same thing Carrie Bradshaw went through; her fiancé left her before they got married. But unlike Big, her ex left her for another woman. For weeks my cousin couldn’t eat nor act accordingly, drowning her tears and feels by going back to her old ways of getting drunk every day so “she can forget.” We kept telling her to get her shit together already because she has been like that for four weeks, and drinking every day will not be good for her health. She’s still recovering until today, but at least she’s made some progress. I’m pretty sure she, and my friend, will someday find someone who will be man enough to love them completely and commit themselves to marriage.
Still, where do we stand? How do we keep the love growing and the fire blazing? Two words: Communication. Commitment.
When I was in college, my Communication Theory professor said that “miscommunication is the root of all evil.” Ever since I heard that, I believed it. Maybe it was me being a comm grad, but if you look closely into things, one of the major reasons for a breakup is the lack of communication. However, it is also the very reason why there are those who live happily ever after despite all the challenges any villain throw at them. And when it comes to relationships, it is vital that we keep this line open, even if we don’t want to hear from the other party sometimes.
As for commitment, resolution comes with the ability of having not only to commit, but recommit. Earlier this morning I was watching a local TV show wherein the host interviewed a couple who has been married for barely seven months. They were asked what they learned on the 7 months that they’ve been together and the girl said the most valuable thing I have ever heard about love in a long time; “Before you get married, make sure you’re ready not just to commit to your spouse, but also to recommit in case something bad happens.” It’s like what happened to Miranda and Steve, and Carrie and Big in Sex and the City movie. Had Miranda not throw her logic off the window and decided to follow her emotions, she wouldn’t have reconciled with Steve. Had Carrie not open Big’s emails, go back to their pre-war apartment to retrieve her $525 Manolos and finally talk to him, she wouldn’t have become Mrs. Preston. And she was right; “Why we feel what we feel isn’t logical, it’s emotional” and sometimes, when it comes to love, you just have to ignore all logic and go with your emotions.
Carrie Bradshaw once said, “some love stories aren’t epic novels. Some are short stories, but that doesn’t make them any less filled with love.” Relationships aren’t always about being happy. Relationships get tested all the time to see how far the two people involved are willing to go with their partner. Some finished the line together, while others stop mid-track and give up. And that’s okay. Because often, it’s when you stop running that you start to see things clearly. All you need is to start all over again. You may have to run alone for a while, but in time, you will find yourself running with someone who will be willing to go through all the tracks with you until you get to the finish line and start a new track. That’s the beauty of love.