30th December, 2015. 1:28pm
I can’t believe 2015 is almost over! This year has been especially cruel to me, not just because my grandma died or that my sister moved to the United States, I hate 2015 because I was feeling sad for about half (or more than) the year.
I used to love Christmas and New Year’s; the one holiday I look forward to the most. This year, however, was just really sad and hard. I was never in the mood to celebrate, nor did I give out gifts to all of my relatives (just my godchildren and a few cousins, plus my family). I didn’t even have a gift for my brother and his wife yet because I really don’t have any idea what to give them. I’m just really not in the mood to feel the Christmas spirit.
Last night, as I was alone having dinner when I took a break from cleaning my home office, I suddenly burst out crying because I realized how jealous I’d probably feel when each of my relatives gather at our grandma’s place on New Year’s Eve. I rarely get jealous, but this time I know I would be and that saddens me so much. How can I welcome the new year with a smile plastered on my face when the people I want to spend it with aren’t with me? I just really feel so alone.
Dad is still here with me, I know, but it’s not the same. Without my sister and with my brother and his family celebrating New Year’s at their own place, I don’t really have anyone I love to welcome 2016. If we didn’t have a party after 12 I’d probably just be sleeping again just like I did last Christmas Eve.
When my sister left, I told myself I can handle it. I can do it. I know I can. God will never give me a challenge I cannot overcome. But for how long I can do it? Who knows.
Have a happy new year everyone!