03rd March, 2015. 3:25pm
Write your obituary.
Today’s Daily Prompt, In Loving Memory, we were asked to write an obituary; my own. And if I had the chance to write my own obituary, this is definitely how I would write it:
Whatever you’re doing, stop. This breaking news is probably going to break every big breaking news that you have seen or heard before.
Manila, Philippines—Jhack Telan, also known as Bunso, also known as Auntie B, also known as that bitch you call a monster, was gone forever. Jhack’s remains, 29, was found inside her bedroom when she failed to rise this morning.
Although the cause of her death has not been confirmed, there was a speculation that she suffered from a terrible nightmare, and had an asthma and a heart attack. Despite her short-lived life, Jhack looked peaceful when her body was found. Is she really dead, or did she simply apparate to some other dimension, pretending that she’s dead so everyone will mourn her when in fact, she was laughing at our asses because we look terrible?
It had also been passed to us that one of her family members found a note in her iPhone about the deceased’s final wish. Among them, and probably the most important of all, is that no one ever has the right to either sell, donate or throw away any of her books and magazines. Should anyone dares try to take them out of her precious bookshelf, Jhack said on her note that she will haunt them down and take them down to her grave. No kidding.
Born on October 10, 1985, she was a bubbly kid until her parents screwed her up by assuming she was flirting and exchanging love letters with the boy at the junior basketball team. She was also a keyboard master and a writer, and wishes for anyone to download all of her favorite TV shows. Failing to do so, according to her note, will result in her ripping your hearts out and crushing it into a million pieces.
It has also been requested that her organs stay inside her body, because she will come back. In what form, or when, was unknown, but the deceased specifically told in her note to use a preservation spell on her dead body. How that would be done, however, no one has an idea.
There will be a service at their home starting Friday morning. A holy mass will also take place on Sunday at 9 a.m. by their local parish priest, Rev. Jun Bartolome. She will be laid to rest beside her mom in the afternoon, because everyone is required to watch Once Upon a Time at 8:00. If you failed to watch the episode, consider yourself dead. Her words. Not ours.
It has also come to our attention that Jhack’s final words were, “if you hate me and you’re rejoicing that I’m dead, don’t. I will come back. I will come back, kick your ass, rip your heart, crush it, and laugh at your smoldering, villainous remains. Bwahaha!” What a weirdo.