The Darkest Day of My Life

16th January, 2015. 2:55pm

Mom Medical BraceletToday marks the 12th death anniversary of my Mom. I didn’t get much sleep today because right after working, my brother pick me and my sister up so we could visit her at the cemetery. After spending the morning there, we headed to the mall to  have lunch, then did some shopping a bit. I ended up buying a new phone because my old phone’s loudspeaker is busted.

Pictured above was my Mom’s medical bracelet from the hospital when she passed away. I don’t know how I managed to get it from her and keep it, but I’m glad I did. It was the last thing touched her before she died aside from the hospital gown that was given to her.

That day was the saddest day of my life. I remember getting pissed at my grandmother for waking us up so early in the morning, asking us to go to the hospital as soon as possible. Little did I know that it would be the last time I would get to see my Mommy. As we were in the hospital waiting for her to slip away, I found myself sitting at the hospital chapel, praying to God, to my Mom, that if she’s already tired, then she can go. They told me later that I was the last person to let her go; she was just waiting for me before she can join her dad peacefully in heaven. At around 3 o’clock in the afternoon, she slowly drifted apart from us, around 10 minutes after I went to the chapel. Her youngest  brother, my godfather, held me as they pull the covers up to her head.

As me and my sister were waiting for our Dad to cover the hospital bills, she and I sat on the lobby, huddled together quietly. All of a sudden, a chill ran up both our spines. We didn’t say anything. We just stared at each other. At that moment, we knew that it was her comforting us. That was the first time she showed that she’s still looking after us even from the after life.

I had many sleepless nights after she died, especially during the first few years. Celebrating my 18th birthday 9 months after she passed away was especially hard since I was a Mommy’s girl. A lot of horrible things have happened ever since she left us in 2003. I really don’t know how we managed to survive all those years, but we did and I’m grateful for it. I know for sure that she has anything to do with it. She may not be here anymore physically, but my Mom never left us. That’s what makes her the best for me.

Even after she died, never have I questioned God why she took her away from us. I know there’s a reason for everything. One of those reasons is so that me and my siblings will get closer to each other; we never were. Because of everything that we had to go through, we learned how to lean to each other and go through those rough roads together. And I believe that, when the time comes when we would have to live in different time zones, she will still always be there to guide all of us through the good times and bad.

I love you so much, Mommy. I miss you.




9 thoughts on “The Darkest Day of My Life

  1. Oh love, I feel so much for you right now. That you have such strong emotions today shows just how much you love your Mommy and how truly special she is. I am so glad that have stronger ties with your siblings now – it is so important to have them. I had to stop typing a few times here to wipe away the tears. I am so sorry for your loss but I feel pride in you that you have become such an expressive and creative person (even though we’ve only “met” recently). Take care these next few days, be with your family and friends, but take some time to be alone as well and remember you Mommy. Big hugs fom me.

    Liked by 2 people


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