I said I don’t want you here but I lied…

12th January, 2015. 1:11pm

This is a response to the Daily Prompt’s Audience of One:

Picture the one person in the world you really wish were reading your blog. Write her or him a letter.

I have blatantly expressed how I would NEVER want to share this blog to anyone I know, and I really don’t, but to be honest, that is not entirely true.

Of course, in some way, I wanted them to read this blog, too. Just not right now.

You see, the thing is, there’s only one person I want to read my blog (*two, actually, but that other person is my Mom and she’s dead)—my Dad. And if he can read this, this is what I’m going to say:

Daddy and JhackDear Dad,

Just so you know, I didn’t start this blog for you. I created this blog for me. Why, if you may ask? It’s to keep my sanity intact. Because what you are doing to us is so hurtful it’s making me go crazy. This is my way of unleashing all my frustrations out, not just about you, but to everything else as well.

It’s quite shameful, don’t you think, that I’m writing my emotions down and publishing it for the whole world to see than telling them all to you? I think it is, but I really don’t have a choice, since no one bothers to listen to what I have to say.

Do you remember the time when you told me that we should “stay out of each other’s business?” That was really the last straw for me. To hear my own father say that to me is unthinkable. I should be rejoicing, to be honest, because it means I can finally have the freedom to do whatever I want without you ramming my neck all the time but sometimes, it’s hard to be happy when your feet is solidly planted on the ground. And you planted it yourself, daddy.

Someday, I swear, I will go out there and prove you wrong.

But don’t worry, I don’t hate you, contrary to what other people believe. Seriously, I don’t. You may read a lot of bad things about you here on my blog, which by the way, I am not sorry for, but I don’t hate you. Just what you are doing to us and to yourself.

I told myself and everyone else that I would never let (and want) you to read this blog but the truth is I secretly do. I know you wouldn’t understand a lot of what I have written about you but if you are reading this right now, I want you to know that I’m happy that you are. The last time I wrote something that you read was when my first byline article was published in the magazine. It changed you (for a while) and it was one of the best feelings in the world… until you went back to your old ways and became worse than ever.

KTHXBYE.

Jhack

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2 thoughts on “I said I don’t want you here but I lied…

  1. Relationships with our parents can be tough. You wrote a heartfelt, and I’m sure very difficult, post. Sometimes the writing can be cathartic and hopefully it will help you deal with your relationship. I wrote a similar post about my relationship with my mom (for the dream reader prompt in Blogging 101). Thank you for sharing your thoughts about your dad 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Writing this isn’t easy, which is weird because I have probably written him dozens of letters that I didn’t give more than the combined words I told him since I was born. But thank you! And yes! This reminds of the Dream Reader task in Blogging 101, too! Maybe that task was a hit?

      Liked by 1 person

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