23rd October, 2014. 1:48am
(I wrote this at 1am in bed)
Taciturn. I learned that early this morning.
Meaning someone who doesn’t speak much. Someone like me. The real me. The me you meet in person.
Yes, although I am very talkative here in my blog, sharing my thoughts on things, I am not a very talkative person in real life. Ask any of my friends; I was never one to initiate a conversation.
Not all the time, of course, but a lot of the times, especially with someone who I’m not that close to. You see, ever since I had a fall-out with my Mom when I was 12 I’ve been having a hard time expressing my thoughts out to someone else. Yes, I was never like this when I was a kid. I was actually very sociable as a little girl. But when I found out that my own family didn’t trust me when I was 12, I changed. I drew myself away from people; opening up has been hard since.
Now what possessed me to talk about this word? It was the book I’m currently reading – Messenger of Fear by Michael Grant. It’s about a girl named Mara who was the Messenger of Fear’s new apprentice. If you’re wicked, the messenger will appear and challenge you to a game. If you win, you go free, if you lose, you will live your greatest fear. Now, Messenger is someone who doesn’t speak much words, but says a lot through his actions. Do you know someone who’s exactly like that? I do.
Agent Melinda May of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. One look and you’ll know exactly what she wants to say.
You know how I keep saying how people want me to “speak up”, right? The thing is, I want to. I really do. But sometimes, words aren’t enough to express how I feel. Sometimes, you have to curb your tongue to let people know what you want to say.
So does this taciturnity a good thing or a bad thing? Maybe. Is being reserved and quiet a sign of weakness? Perhaps. But I don’t want to say anything anymore. Because, like always, I can always show you better than I could tell you.