23rd October, 2014. 1:48am
(I wrote this at 1am in bed)
Taciturn. I learned that early this morning.
Meaning someone who doesn’t speak much. Someone like me. The real me. The me you meet in person.
Yes, although I am very talkative here in my blog, sharing my thoughts on things, I am not a very talkative person in real life. Ask any of my friends; I was never one to initiate a conversation.
Not all the time, of course, but a lot of the times, especially with someone who weren’t that close with me. You see, ever since I had a fall-out with my Mom when I was 12 I’ve been having a hard time expressing my thoughts out to someone else. Yes, I was never like this when I was a kid. I was very sociable as a little girl. But when I found out that my own family didn’t trust me when I was 12, I changed. I drew myself away from people; opening up has been hard since.
Now what possessed me to talk about this word? It was the book I’m currently reading – Messenger of Fear by Michael Grant. It’s about a girl named Mara who was the Messenger of Fear’s new apprentice. If you’re wicked, the messenger will appear and challenge you to a game. If you win, you go free, if you lose, you will live your greatest fear. Now, Messenger is someone who doesn’t speak much words, but says a lot through his actions. Do you know someone who’s exactly like that?
Someone like Agent Melinda May on Agents of Shield. One look and you’ll know exactly what she wants to say.
You all know how I keep saying how people want me to “speak up”, right? The thing is, I want to. I really do. But sometimes, words aren’t enough to express how you feel. Sometimes, you have to curb your tongue to let people know what you want to say.
So does this taciturnity a good thing or a bad thing? Maybe. Is being reserved and quiet a sign of weakness? Perhaps. But I don’t want to say anything anymore. Because, like always, I can always show you better than I could tell you.